Remorse
Remorse is a terrible thing, impossible to imagine by those who have never felt its pangs, unrivaled to any other human experience. It is like a burning tumor that throbs and preys on your peace of mind, haunts you, exhausts you, and robs you of the very power to enjoy anything.
I have to live with the worst remorse possible for me. I killed my wife. My beloved Caroline. She was everything to me and now she is dead. Everyone tells me it isn’t my fault, but I know it is. If it wasn’t for my idiocy she would still be here and I would still have a wife.
The Day happened three months, two weeks, and four days ago. It was the first night of our honeymoon. We were celebrating our marriage on Moss Point, a beach I spend years of my childhood on. We drove there after we had dinner at really nice restaurant that Caroline picked out. I didn’t drink at the restaurant because I knew alcohol and driving don’t coincide together. We had an early dinner so we could catch the sunset.
It was an amazing sunset to help finish off an amazing day. It was filled with hues of red, orange, gold, pink, and a little bit of purple. Caroline then pulled out a bottle of champagne, “I know don’t like to drink the same nights you drive, but could you please tonight, for me?
“Fine, for you. And because tonight is our honeymoon,” I replied.
She handed me the bottle and I popped off the cork. She surprised me again when she pulled two plastic cups out of her bejeweled purse. She dug out two holes in the sand to place the cups in. Then I poured the champagne into the cups and we drank.
It was perfect, every little detail was perfect. The soft sand moving in between our toes, the surging blue water, the sun dipping below the horizon creating a magnificent sunset, and Caroline. Sweet sweet Caroline, my world, the reason I live. The sun finally set, leaving us for the night, and leaving Caroline forever.
We hoped into our car, feeling a little tipsy. I told myself that I could drive just fine and that we could make it to the hotel. As the car started we both began to laugh for no reason. Somewhere deep down my conscience was screaming don’t drive the car, but my brain was clouded for the alcohol and I brushed the thought away like the windshield wipers in front of me. The rain came down so unexpectedly, for we had just watched a breathtaking sunset with no clouds in sight.
The rains effect was instant. The road immediately became slick and the car started to drift on all the turns I made. Then the bend in the road came. The one that would alter my life indefinitely. I tried to turn the car but it was unresponsive, in a last ditch effort I slammed on the brakes but it made no difference the car just keep barreling forward toward the guardrail. The guardrail had no effect at all; we plowed through it like a hot knife through butter.
We plummeted down the rocky hillside occasionally flipping and rolling over. I looked over at Caroline. She was screaming and she had a gash above her right eye. The moment our eyes made contact the car hit the water. I managed to get out of the car, but my beloved Caroline was not so lucky. She perished in the car. And now when I think of her all I can think of is her face covered in blood.